Subject:Fwd: Purchase of military aircraft...
Date:Fri, January 17, 2003 7:09 pm

Subject: Purchase of military aircraft...

This was posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an Employee

there who obviously has a sense of humor. *
The company, of course, does Not have a sense of humor, and made the web
department take it down immediately (for once, the "IMPORTANT" note at the
end is worth a read too.... )

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. *

In order To protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill
out the

warranty registration card below. *

Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will
us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. Salutation

[_] Mr.

[_] Mrs.

[_] Ms.

[_] Miss

[_] Lt.

[_] Gen.

[_] Comrade

[_] Exalted

[_] Classified

[_] Other

First Name: ............................ Initial: ........

Last Name: ..................................

Password: ........................ (max. 8 char)

Code Name: .................................................................

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .....................................

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-14 Tomcat

[_] F-15 Eagle

[_] F-16 Falcon

[_] F-117A Stealth

[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20......./....... /......

4. Serial Number: .............................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package

[_] Catalogue / showroom

[_] Independent arms broker

[_] Mail order

[_] Discount store

[_] Government surplus

[_] Shop-At-Home Network

[_] Classified

[_] eBay

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you

have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up

[_] Store display

[_] Espionage

[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally

[_] Late night cable TV advertising / infomercial

[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer

[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision

to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance

[_] Speed / maneuverability

[_] Price / value

[_] Comfort / convenience

[_] Kickback / bribe

[_] Recommended by salesperson

[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation

[_] Advanced Weapons Systems

[_] Backroom politics

[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America

[_] Iraq

[_] Aircraft carrier

[_] Iraq

[_] Europe

[_] Iraq

[_] Middle East (not Iraq)

[_] Iraq

[_] Africa

[_] Iraq

[_] Asia / Far East

[_] Iraq

[_] Misc. Third World countries

[_] Iraq

[_] Classified

[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase
in the near future:

[_] Color TV

[_] VCR

[_] ICBM

[_] Killer Satellite

[_] CD Player

[_] Air-to-Air Missiles

[_] Space Shuttle

[_] Home Computer

[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that


[_] Communist / Socialist

[_] Terrorist

[_] Crazed

[_] Neutral

[_] Democratic

[_] Dictatorship

[_] Corrupt

[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending

[_] Cash

[_] Suitcases of cocaine

[_] Oil revenues

[_] Personal check

[_] Credit card

[_] Ransom money

[_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker

[_] Sales / marketing

[_] Revolutionary

[_] Clerical

[_] Mercenary

[_] Tyrant

[_] Middle management

[_] Eccentric billionaire

[_] Defense Minister / General

[_] Retired

[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the

interests  and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating
a regular


[_] Golf

[_] Boating / sailing

[_] Sabotage

[_] Running / jogging

[_] Propaganda / misinformation

[_] Destabilization / overthrow

[_] Default on loans

[_] Gardening

[_] Crafts

[_] Black market / smuggling

[_] Collectibles / collections

[_] Watching sports on TV

[_] Wines

[_] Interrogation / torture

[_] Household pets

[_] Crushing rebellions

[_] Espionage / reconnaissance

[_] Fashion clothing

[_] Border disputes

[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. *
Your Answers  will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
serve you

better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and

special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and

mysterious consortia. *

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be

registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:


Military, Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual
named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or

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humor or irrational religious beliefs. *

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Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified

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If you have received this e-mail in error, please add some nutmeg and egg
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Tom and Deb Vaida             /\        /\___ 
Dixie and the new puppy      / /        \ @  _>       \ \~~~~~~~~/   /    \            /
                               \\ \\    \\ \\

Ask not for whom the dog tolls, he tolls for thee