Subject: Purchase of military aircraft...

This was posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an Employee

there who obviously has a sense of humor. *
The company, of course, does Not have a sense of humor, and made the web
department take it down immediately (for once, the "IMPORTANT" note at the
end is worth a read too.... )


Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. *

In order To protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill
out the

warranty registration card below. *

Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will
help
us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.


1. Salutation

[_] Mr.

[_] Mrs.

[_] Ms.

[_] Miss

[_] Lt.

[_] Gen.

[_] Comrade

[_] Exalted

[_] Classified

[_] Other

First Name: ............................ Initial: ........

Last Name: ..................................

Password: ........................ (max. 8 char)

Code Name: .................................................................

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .....................................

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-14 Tomcat

[_] F-15 Eagle

[_] F-16 Falcon

[_] F-117A Stealth

[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20......./....... /......

4. Serial Number: .............................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package

[_] Catalogue / showroom

[_] Independent arms broker

[_] Mail order

[_] Discount store

[_] Government surplus

[_] Shop-At-Home Network

[_] Classified

[_] eBay

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you

have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up

[_] Store display

[_] Espionage

[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally

[_] Late night cable TV advertising / infomercial

[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer

[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision

to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance

[_] Speed / maneuverability

[_] Price / value

[_] Comfort / convenience

[_] Kickback / bribe

[_] Recommended by salesperson

[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation

[_] Advanced Weapons Systems

[_] Backroom politics

[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat



8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America

[_] Iraq

[_] Aircraft carrier

[_] Iraq

[_] Europe

[_] Iraq

[_] Middle East (not Iraq)

[_] Iraq

[_] Africa

[_] Iraq

[_] Asia / Far East

[_] Iraq

[_] Misc. Third World countries

[_] Iraq

[_] Classified

[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase
in the near future:

[_] Color TV

[_] VCR

[_] ICBM

[_] Killer Satellite

[_] CD Player

[_] Air-to-Air Missiles

[_] Space Shuttle

[_] Home Computer

[_] Nuclear Weapon


10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that

apply)

[_] Communist / Socialist

[_] Terrorist

[_] Crazed

[_] Neutral

[_] Democratic

[_] Dictatorship

[_] Corrupt

[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending

[_] Cash

[_] Suitcases of cocaine

[_] Oil revenues

[_] Personal check

[_] Credit card

[_] Ransom money

[_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker

[_] Sales / marketing

[_] Revolutionary

[_] Clerical

[_] Mercenary

[_] Tyrant

[_] Middle management

[_] Eccentric billionaire

[_] Defense Minister / General

[_] Retired

[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the

interests  and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating
on
a regular

basis:

[_] Golf

[_] Boating / sailing

[_] Sabotage

[_] Running / jogging

[_] Propaganda / misinformation

[_] Destabilization / overthrow

[_] Default on loans

[_] Gardening

[_] Crafts

[_] Black market / smuggling

[_] Collectibles / collections

[_] Watching sports on TV

[_] Wines

[_] Interrogation / torture

[_] Household pets

[_] Crushing rebellions

[_] Espionage / reconnaissance

[_] Fashion clothing

[_] Border disputes

[_] Mutually Assured Destruction


Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. *
Your Answers  will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
Douglas
serve you

better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and

special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and

mysterious consortia. *

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be

registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department

Military, Aerospace Division



IMPORTANT: This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual
addressee(s)
named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or

unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of

humor or irrational religious beliefs. *

If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or
copying of this e-mail is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly)
and constitutes an irritating

social faux pas.

Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context

somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no

grammatical use and may be ignored. *

No animals were harmed in the transmission of this e-mail, although the kelp
next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. *

Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified

to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this backwards,
so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a
complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure
that
no harm befalls you and your pets. *

If you have received this e-mail in error, please add some nutmeg and egg
whites, whisk,

and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes